Wednesday, August 21, 2013

Back to Life

This first week back from India has been so interesting.  I feel like I'm an outsider in my own life and witnessing all of the people, places and events from afar.  It's like my vision has been cleared, and I see my whole life as "big picture."  I'm not back at work yet, so I have no routine, no serious obligations and my life is just wide open.

When I got back on Friday, I felt overwhelmed and in love with my boyfriend, Kevin.  He cleaned our entire place, left me a sweet note, came home with flowers and took me out to dinner.  I had been dreaming about that big, long hug for weeks.  As we sat at an outdoor Mexican place on our bustling street, I was looking around like a tourist, like I'd never been there before.  I was even looking at Kevin and thinking, "Wow, this guy's cute," as though he wasn't already "mine."  I was more quiet than usual because I didn't immediately verbalize every thought that came into my head.  It was such a strange feeling.

I've experienced this phenomenon again and again as I see friends (Wow, I see why we're friends!), enjoy my apartment and ease back into school life.  My concept of time has also shifted.  Before I left for India, I was constantly focused on my next step, next post, next project, next meal, next social event, go, go, GO!  Now I can step back and see all of the tremendous things that have already happened this year.  It really takes the internal pressure off to see how much I've already accomplished and not feel that nagging, urgent feeling to constantly need more.

Gratitude.  That's the overall essence of this week.  I'm so grateful for my life with it's bumps, beauty and love.  There is so much goodness, so many experiences waiting to manifest, so much learning and so much fun yet to have.  I don't have to force it, just flow with it.  Thank you for reading as I share this weird and amazing life.

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