The Safety of Home

I feel blessed to live near my family and many of my closest friends.  In emotional, busy and crazy times, I am extremely lucky to be able to seek comfort in my loved ones.  To share a movie night or a nice meal means so much more to me than trying to find sollace in a new dress.  We shop for so many reasons: boredom, sadness, fun, out of hope for how that item will make us feel, look, appear.  We believe that particular object will enhance our lives and make us truly, finally, happy.  That illusion is what keeps us shopping.

I'm ready to scream it out, "I am enough, and I have enough!"  I've been reciting this mantra for about 2 years. It eases my feelings of anxiety or stress about all the things I still "need" in my life.  It frees me from holding on to items and people that don't fit anymore.  The truth is that I don't need much, and I already have it all.

This experiment helps me value life's real riches.  It may sound cliche, but I feel deeply wealthy and see the immeasurable abundance in my life.  I am so grateful.

I'm Not Buying It!

This week I started reading the book, Not Buying It, by Judith Levine.  It documents her year-long experiment concerning shopping.  She and her partner decide to buy nothing except the essentials.  They outlaw high-end products, entertainment costs, etc.  I'm eager to read more about their growth, learning and experiences.

It also makes me wonder what in my life I don't want to "buy" anymore.  I'm tired of buying...

• my unhealthy habits like drinking wine until my throat is sore.
• excuses from the man in my life who won't (can't?) dive into our relationship.
• my overreactions.

I am interested in buying more...

• honesty about how I really feel.
• my supportive family.
• my yoga practice.
• my new challenge of National Boards.
• my finacial security. 

In order to keep choosing this new financial stability, I have to say no to other things, like new clothes or frivolous entertainment costs. This month's experiment helps me see what I really need in my life even beyond objects.

Even if my situation looked like this:

Or even this:

I would still need to decide what is important to me and what makes me truly happy everyday instead of frustrated, unhealthy or confused.  What are you not buying anymore?

Are Flowers a Necessity?

The day after Valentine's Day, I bought myself some beautiful red tulips, my favorite.  They were on sale, so pretty and right next to the check-out stand.  Only later did I second-guess my decision.  Flowers are beautiful and natural and found at the supermarket, but I can obviously live without them.  I guess that makes the flowers my first shopping experiment slip-up.

Despite that small oversight, this experiment has been surprising easy thus far.  I've been busy; the weather has been beautiful; and I've kept myself occupied with fun friends, new recipes, free library books, a cute boy, walks around Volunteer park, National Boards and going out at night.  What more could I really want?

My friend, Stacy, has mentioned a few ways to make this month's experiment a little harder and maybe a little more meaningful.  I'm open to turning this challenge up a notch.

Month Two: Shopping-Free

This month, February 12- March 12, 2010, I am experimenting with no shopping.  Let me first outline the rules of this experiment.  I consider food shopping a necessity, so that's allowed.  However, I am outlawing shopping for clothes, accessories, home decorations, cooking gadgets, presents, etc.  I'm expecting this experiment to be much easier than the vegetarian month.  Today is day number four, and I haven't bought anything off-limits.

A friend of mine is hosting a dinner party/swap on March 5th, so it will be interesting to see how I feel then.  It will be a convenient time to collect a few new things for my closet (and soul?).  Also, today my friend, Ginger, gave me two beautiful mirrors for my place.  It's curious how some things just find their way to you while others seem to require a determined search.

The biggest temptation this month will be Urban Outfitters, a mere two blocks from my house.  Let me first state, I LOVE THAT STORE!  It has so many fun clothes and funky accessories.  I adore the hats and hair pieces especially.  It always has a large sale section, and I've found some great dresses there.  I did go in last night with a girlfriend.  I happily sat on the couch looking at books while she tried on and purchased a few things.  Like I said before, the beginning of each experiment is easy and filled with calm resolve.  I'm going to enjoy this feeling while it lasts.  I'm ready to save some $!

Letting Go of Western Rhythms

As I wrap up my month of vegetarianism, I'm reminded of another month without meat.  During the summer of 2008, I spent time in Bali studying yoga.  Here's something I wrote during that meatless time...

I don’t know what time it is. I’ve been in Bali 9 days living without a watch, without a cell phone, without a computer or T.V. I have to look for other direction to tell me when and where to go. I’m here for a month-long yoga retreat. I came to dive deeper into my practice and learn to let go. I never thought about what it would take to let go of time.


Day begins at sunrise. The night insects quiet their chirping to let the rooster holler and croak out his sound. We turn on the light and immediately the mosquitoes gather, followed by the geckos. They move along the bamboo border, cleaning up the ceiling, taking their breakfast as we wait for ours. The tray of black rice, fruit and coffee arrives. Wayan singing us a “hel-lo” as she rounds the corner. The ants march along the patio greeting each other as they pass on their route. I sneak looks into the yoga studio next door, waiting for the first person to enter. That’s my signal to gather my mat and water bottle and start the day.


As the evening session ends, we walk back to our cottage. My mind swirls with anatomy, sutras and poses. Dinner appears as dusk settles in. The sun sets behind the valley casting pink shadows off every surface. I press my palms together and say a silent prayer as grateful tears pool in my eyes. Once it’s too dark to see, we head inside chatting and eventually reading. We prepare for an early bedtime and an unreliable sleep. Every night he scurries up the pipe, enters through the bamboo-slatted window, hurries along its ledge with an alarming rattle and escapes back out the other side. Our rat friend is becoming yet another natural hour marker. Sniffing for food and making his entrance, we watch with fascination as he completes his routine. The bats, geckos, birds, bugs and rats dance around us like clockwork. The watch I didn’t bring doesn’t matter to them. They’re teaching me to tell a different kind of time.


I always learned to respect time, especially that of other people. Punctuality was an ingredient for success. I remember the eye rolls when my brother claimed he could tell time by the shadows of the trees like the Native Americans. “No wonder he always misses his flights home,” they’d said. Keeping track of time helps me be a reliable friend, daughter, teacher. I don’t know what it will feel like to put down that load for awhile. Put down my control, my responsibility, my nervous energy. Put it down.


In Bali I’ve entered a world where time is marked by rituals and prayers. Constructing elaborate offerings and going to temple are the landmarks of the day. Ceremonies based on the moon cycle, deaths and cremations- these are life’s true clock hands. My busy rushing has no place alongside this devotion.

I didn’t know how much I needed this time in Bali. Time to get healthy, to slow down, to process. Time to untie my wounded heart strings and time to reveal my new truths. Time off from high heels, traffic, hangovers. Time on me, on walking, on breathing and on prayer. Time to clean up. I’m holding onto this new freedom and releasing the grip of a clock that doesn’t serve me. I’m open to listen now as life directs me where and when to go.

When Chocolate and Chakras Collide

I read this interesting article about yoga and food recently.  With Valentine's Day, a new moon and the year of the tiger, it seems like a perfect time to rethink some of our old connections and expectations.  Check it out!
http://www.nytimes.com/2010/01/27/dining/27yoga.html

The Ritual of Food

I love to cook.  I'm not necessarily a gourmet chef, but I love trying something new or feeling nourished by my own efforts.  My kitchen is tiny and was built in 1925.  There's no dishwasher nor fancy gadgets.  It's just me, a sharp knife and some good ingredients.  This week I made Eggplant Parmesan.  I dipped the sliced eggplant in egg and flour and then fried it gently in olive oil.  I added tomato sauce and cheese and baked it at 425 degress for about 10 minutes.  I received some organic Beecher's cheese as a gift last week, so I let that melt in globs on top of the tomato sauce.  The result was a hearty vegetable dish that disguised itself as meat.  It was so pretty, I had to pair it with some red wine and dark chocolate for dessert.  I drank and munched happily thinking about all of the vital antioxidants I was consuming.  Living alone does provide me a chance to really enjoy the solitary and satisfying experience of cooking and eating.  If things don't turn out perfectly, that's only my secret to know.  It my own trial-and-error safe haven.

Some people say they don't like to cook for one, so they microwave a burrito or defrost a pizza.  How depressing!  I actually prefer cooking for one.  That way I can load up with vegetables without having to consider what another person likes.  Of course I also enjoy having people over for dinner, but I notice that my cooking stress goes up with additional guests.

Noah Levine wrote about "mindful eating" in his book, Dharma Punx.  Limiting distractions (no TV, no reading) allows us to breathe, smell and actually taste our food.  The time spent eating affects digestion, and I believe, absorbtion of nutrients.  There's nothing better than settling in for a meal and really meaning it.  It's not crammed in between appointments or in the car while driving.  It's eating on purpose.  As Portage Bay Cafe declares... Eat like you give a damn! 

My days of deprivation are over.  That limited view of the body and of food is too restricting.  Negativity and shame keep extra weight on.  I believe that the way we look at food sometimes matters more than the food itself.  These last few years food has turned more into a source of joy, ritual and quality.  I vow to make my daily eating ritual nourish my body, my creativity and my soul.